I HAD A BAD DAY TODAY

I stepped outside this morning and boy was it hot..humid as hell and I had to go get some groceries...that sort of thing. My mood was hot and mad after I took the wrong road...not really my fault as...you wouldn't read about it roadwork’s loomed up. them things are everywhere Guess my mind was not on the road...well it wasn't I know this...anyways I carried on cuz in my mind some place a voice kept saying go to the shopping mall there...you need a change I though yeah why not my usual joint has a monopoly where I live…which I reckon is a bit crook…after driving around and around I finally got a parking place. Gets out of the car the heat hit me like a ton of bricks…50 swearwords later I was in blissfully cool air-conditioned surroundings…after a run in with the assistant in the delicatessen…I calmed down. This is good I thought my other store doesn’t have all the goodies this mob has…that’s when the fun started. My usual brand of a apple juice was nowhere to be seen…I saw a young bloke having a swig of apple juice ah then I spotted it way way up on high…damned if I could reach it…got it I thought grabs my walking cane…(this cane has a history some low down thief flogged it off me when my back was turned rotten mongrel) where was I oh yeah as I was saying I grabs my newbie all aluminium job reaches up yanked at the drinks …three cartons tumbled down…how I missed them I’ll never know…but they clobbered some guy WHACK…lucky for me he was just shocked and stunned…we had a beer together when I finally got home…yeah he lives near me. Off I goes again and I’m not lying but I spotted a gal looked like my daughter from the back…hiya babe I sez…nearly got a smack in the mouth...lucky there but…she spotted the cane…yeah the newbie cane…I hope the mongrel who flogged it off of me gets the treatment I narrowly avoided. Going through the aisle that has clocks… stuff like that I recalled an e-mail I had once where this joker used to set off the alarms on em and watch for reactions…yep so I did that…sheer bedlam..when asked by the store manager a baby faced pimply kid if it was me…I just blew up…me I sez do you seriously think that a 73 year old bloke like myself would do that…I heard oohs and ahs everywhere…some bloke took him to task over it…must have just come in before the soft drink crisis…I left em to it…I just meandered my merry way through the aisles. Got to the aisle that has canned meat…canned vegies that sort of stuff had a squiz see if anyone was in it…lucky Mick I thought and started to bowl some cans down to the end of the aisle...all went ok for a while…still sorting out the clock bizzo I s’pose…it couldn’t last of course…they tried like hell to find me but I sneaked into the butchery department quick smart asked the butcher could he cut a joint of beef in two…no worries mate he sez…I followed him in chatted to him about next to nothing..to stay away from the commotion outside…what’s going on out there mate have squiz through that window would yah…just some pimply kid getting ticked off it looks like sez yours truly…oh him he’s just the under-manager….he hasn’t got a clue not a brain cell in his head…I reckon your right mate shifty lookin bloke too I sez…you got that right he sez…fancy a cup of tea in my office? Too right thanks old mate…at this stage I just wanted to get out of the store….in the end I had to go of course…my shopping trolley was still there...I took off my hat and glasses wandered nonchalantly to the far end cash register and wonder of wonders. The kid with all the zits could not be seen…however it was still being talked about by the gals on the registers…what happened to this guy I asked…boss gave up looking she sez but how he vanished has us all baffled. He found the butchery department door closed…which he found strange…yair a bit odd that I told her As I collected the goods I just couldn’t resist saying so what did this joker look like…oh about your age but he had glasses…that’s a hell of a thing for a bloke to do cripes…tell me about she sez. Oh well I said have a nice day..ok you too came the reply… Off I toddled free as bird...but had to hide in the gents when I spotted zit face giving me a hard look in the car park...I made it home had a couple of beers with the bloke I knew...enjoy your day I enjoyed mine...but it had its moments